Let this be the day that I stop to care and pour my hate upon this world 
Look me in the eyes, tell me you don't feel the same anymore 
Look me in my fucking eyes 
Fuck what you think 

I'm so sick of all these people pretending like they don't have a darkness, 
All they harness is light 
Where there is love there is hate and all the things that coincide blind 
Our eyes and take over our minds 
I am hate you are hated, I've created you've created 
Now get it through your fucking head, we create hate 

Perfection is neglected now it's rough around the edges and the lesson that
We've learned; we have neglected ourselves 

Cram it down your throat and choke

I've only just met you. What is it exactly that you want to know about me? What is it with the identical subliminal messages that exists in the questions you  relentlessly bombarded me with? What are you trying to get out of me? I do not know what do you know or have heard about me, you're not getting anything out of me that's for sure. My lips are sealed. I don't trust you. Just because you are somewhat different from the others doesn't mean I would try putting my trust in you. Exactly because you are different, I will be extremely wary of you. Extremely wary...

Dedicating my holidays to work was probably a bad idea. I'm dead beat working almost 8 or more hours everyday  :/ I get lethargic too easily now... My body's aging a little too prematurely. School commences in a few days time and I've wasted it on work. Well, I wouldn't say wasted I am getting paid after all. Plus, I love the people whom I get to work with. So yeah, no complains. hehe

I would fight you with words instead of with my fists. Wouldn't want to dirty my fists by sinking it into that abhorrent face of yours. But I want to hurt you so badly. Till you plead me with your last breath with so much anguish. Beg me to halt with a voice full of tremor. Wash my feet with your tears, inferior one. I want to see you cry. I want to see you bleed. Fear me. Obey me. Don't you dare speak to me with that condescending tone ever. We're all equal human beings. :)

<3 .="." p="p">

I was once told to write down my Christmas wish on a piece of paper and hang it on the tree. So I did. I wished for daddy to be back home with us. Climbed my way up the tree and placed it on the star. Daddy didn't come back. Santa is not real. Wishes do not come true.

Never wanted to come, never did.

why is it that people are always shouting at each other? why can't they just get along? why must there always be a hurling of vulgarities and a spate of angry words. why the fuck can't you guys find a amicable way to solve your fucking problems instead of fucking raising your voice. I am sick of all this shit and its always the same fucking shit. why............ Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to kill myself. I don't want to live anymore. I've given up hope on so many things. Hopes on a better tomorrow, a better future. Dashed. I dont see it coming. Not even a slightest glimpse of hope. I just dont want to deal with anything anymore. I want to fall into eternal slumber. I don't see the worth in my existence. Wait, correction: I don't have an existence given the countless times i've been ignored by so many people. I am a fucking useless worthless pathetic self pitying low life ugly piece of shit. I want to die, the suicidal tendencies are calling back at me again. The minute i woke up this morning, i was on the verge of a mental breakdown. Pulled my hair so hard, so much came out. but suicide is both stupid and irresponsible. I don't want to die a weakling escaping from my troubles. Fuck you Julia fuck you.

Don't apologize. We don't always get what we want but if you do, cherish.

Tears welled up the brim of your eyes. Those somnolent bloodshot eyes. You're slowly losing your equilibrium. You find yourself losing position. You feel your sanity fraying. There are some people whom you miss, and you can feel the burnt embers searing along the edges of your memories as you think of them. You want to not give a fuck anymore but am too responsible a person to actually do it. I wish I could do more than just listen. I want to help you.  I'd like you to be genuinely happy. I'd like everyone to be genuinely happy. That'll make me happy. I hope once you leave this exhausting place, you'll be welcomed by a long lost well acquainted friend. Freedom. What you deserve most. Just leave everything behind and dive into a limitless peaceful world of azure blue. You can do this, i know it. Fighting!

Cry Silently In A Corner

© Juleen Adams

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't make a big scene
Don't let anyone think something's wrong
Remember not to be mean

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't drown anyone in your sorrow
You only have to live through today
You can kill yourself tomorrow

Cry quietly in a corner
Shield yourself from the world
For all they know you just like to cause trouble
Just a bratty little girl

Cry quietly in a corner
Don't let them see your pain
What's the most that they can do, help?
But what from that can you gain?

Cry quietly in a corner
They'll never know what's wrong
When you try to tell he says
"Those damn emo songs"

Cry quietly in a corner
Like the whiner they think you are
Like they care about the reason
Your wrist looks like it has bars

When you have so much burden, troubles and responsibilities strained on you, you cannot help but put all the blame to yourself. Why am I so incompetent, so useless, so worthless, so pathetic? Why can't things just go smoothly? Why am I always fucking things up? When will I be able to get out of this shithole? Nope, still no answers. I want to eradicate the hate in me. I want to stop being so enraged and infuriated all the fucking time. I've been told by a few of my classmates that I have been increasingly impassive. It's like as if i'm being left out. I am not as conversable as before. Not as sociable, not as outgoing.  Poly is an environment very extremely foreign to me with a plethora of so many different types of people. Most of which causes my inferiority complex to surface all the time. I guess, all I need is time to adapt myself and slowly I will be able to open up.  Hopefully my classmates are patient enough to deal with the "awkward loser" me right now. I like my classmates, I honestly do. I'm in a way glad that they told me that I could go talk to them if i ever needed a listening ear. Thankful.  They're all of different personalities but together they're all so harmonized, so fun to be with. Hopefully I'll be the one contributing in to the fun someday.
As of right now, I am a very troubled teenager.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I've always been a distrustful person, always skeptical and dubious when it comes to the divulgement of my thoughts and feelings because no one really asks "How are you?" and "What's wrong?" because they care but rather because they are just curious and most of the time will you as a conversation starter with someone else. Soon, words spread like wildfire. I don't even trust myself sometimes which is pathetic. There are only 2 person whom right now I believe I can trust. Sadly, both of them are attached right now and I feel that I shouldn't be talking to them so much. Plus, they're very engaged with work and probably also as troubled with their own problems. I'm afraid I might be developing an emotional reliance on them, which is bad. Very very bad. I keep reminding myself that I have only myself to rely on. To stand on my own two feet. I cannot always be relying on people.

ahhhhhh blogger why are you not allowing me to upload photossssssssssssssssssssssss

-Wallflower

"Someone who isn't necessarily shy, but never really tells you a lot about themselves. They observe almost everything and listen to everything you have to say without criticizing or judging. These people are often the most sincere, kind, and wonderfully interesting people, yet fail to be attractive to the opposite sex for some reason. A person nobody pays attention to, and fades into the background, but are really genuine and interesting people if you take the time to get to know them."

I am a wallflower.

Maybe I should start believing in something. To believe in something where I am able to put my faith in. Maybe that way I wont always be that sad.

一直以来你都很愿意当我的聆听耳朵。有些事我也很想和你透漏，然后听听你能给我的忠告.

Oh shitty iphone front camera quality, how impeccably flawless you make my skin look hehe

I want to be pretty. I want to have the looks. Or at least to be able to feel pretty about myself. ):

Seems like I hafta get used to being ignored all the time. I hate getting ignored.  It's like I'm trying to make en effort to get to know you, to say hi but oh you jut decide that I'm not worth your time so you're gonna ignore me. Is that so? I've Subcummbed to the fact that I am unworthy of a second glance and my presence will never be acknowledged. I will always be that ugly friend of every girl.  But all I want is just a simple acknowledgment of my prescene. Even an awkward wave will do. Is it really that hard, people? Am I really that monstrously ugly? I hate myself. I really do. Seeing how people are getting to know more people and I'm still stuck with the same people because no one wants to get to know me but I want to get to know them but they probably don't want to get to know me cause I'm weirdo. I am a self pitying piece of shit.

Then again, she's beautiful. She's visually pleasing.
Then again, she's beautiful. She's presentable.
Then again she's beautiful. She's attractive.
Then again, she's funny. Everybody loves her.
Then again she's funny. She makes people happy.
Then again she's funny. Everyone likes her.
Then again, who the fuck am I. A self pitying piece of pathetic excrement. Unworthy of a second glance on this repulsive grotesque appearance.

omaigawd i wanna blog about sooooooo many things but i aint got no time yo le sigh

<333333333333333333333 p="p">

why are some girls so pretty, so visually pleasing, so flawless...... whyyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyy how is it posssibruuuuuuu....... why can't I be one of themmmmm );

I wonder if anyone  has missed me as much as I've been missing them.

gahhh so much pain surging through both my shoulder blades why why why........ Feels like i've been literally stabbed in the back-.-

I'd say I am pretty good at hiding my expressions/emotions but sometimes I just don't know how to. As much as I hate to be a killjoy, Sometimes faking a smile is in need of a lot of effort and skill to accomplish, I am exhausted by the exertion. I just choose not to smile, a poker face.

Im glad that I could be of a listening ear to you.

We're all mature young adults (or at least i think i am). We all know what we are getting ourselves into even if its conspicuous that it may not be the best decision.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." 

Thinking about three nights ago, I was pretty elated that I got to spend some alone time with you. Once again, after what seemed like eternity, I got to listen to you divulge your thoughts/frustrations/transpiration. At the same place, the same ungodly hours accompanied with the usual emanation of your cigarettes.   Felt like old times, good old times. I've always liked listening to what you have to say.  You spoke so maturely of certain things  which reminded me of why I got so attracted to you in the first place. I sincerely do hope that the despondent events and pressure acting as a boulder on you would soon be lifted off. I'd like you to be genuinely happy. And, thank you for trying to get me to open up and i'm sorry i didnt. Seeing how stressed out you were i didnt think it was right for me to burden you with my thoughts. But i will try. It's not going to be easy but I will give a shot. Truth is, I've missed you. Always have. I know this is something I shouldn't be saying given your current relationship status but you have no idea how blithe i felt when you suddenly whatsapp-ed me and we had a good lengthy chat even though your conversation starter was about stupid  Xmas carols playing while you were taking a dump. Oh bittersweet pain of nostalgia. May the good times be back. I look forward to our next supper session with the usual.

Let's not make this awkward for everyone. I am honestly okay with it.

I was walking down the street
When out the corner of my eye, 
I saw a pretty little thing approaching me.
She said I never seen a man, 
Who looks so all alone, 
Oh, could you use a little company?
If you could pay the right price, 
Your evening will be nice, 
And you can go and send me on my way, 
I said you're such a sweet young thing, 
Why'd you do this to yourself?
She looked at me and this is what she said.

Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked, 
Money don't grow on trees, 
I got bills to pay, 
I got mouths to feed, 
There ain't nothing in this world for free.
I know I can't slow down, 
I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could, 
Oh no there ain't no rest for the wicked, 
Until we close our eyes for good.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/cage_the_elephant/aint_no_rest_for_the_wicked.html ]
Not even 15 minutes later, 
I'm still walking down the street, 
When I saw the shadow of a man creep out of sight, 
And then he swept up from behind, 
He put a gun up to my head, 
He made it clear he wasn't looking for a fight, 
He said give me all you've got, 
I want your money not your life, 
If you try to make a move I won't think twice, 
I told him you can have my cash, 
But first you know I've got to ask, 
What made you want to live this kind of life?

He said there ain't no rest for the wicked, 
Money don't grow on trees, 
I got bills to pay
I got a mouth to feed
A-ain't nothing in this world for free.
I know I can't slow down, 
I can't hold back
Though you know I wish I could
Oh no there ain't no rest for the wicked, 
Until we close our eyes for good.

Well now a couple hours passed, 
And I was sitting in my house, 
The day was winding down and coming to an end, 
And so I turned on the TV, 
And flipped it over to the news, 
And what I saw I almost couldn't comprehend, 
I saw a preacher man in cuffs
He'd taking money from the church, 
He'd stuffed his bank account with righteous dollar bills
But even still I can't say much
Because I know we're all the same, 
Oh yes we all seek out to satisfy those thrills.

You know there ain't no rest for the wicked, 
Money don't grow on trees, 
We got bills to pay
We got mouths to feed
There ain't nothing in this world for free.
Oh no
We can't slow down, 
We can't hold back
Though you know we wish we could.
You know there ain't no rest for the wicked, 
Until we close our eyes for good.

This is me pretending to look all serious with my fringe concealed furrowed brows with my head titled propped with my elbow. I don't know why but i just feel like blogging, blogging about whatever transpired. This is probably going to be a very pointless post, but whatever.

I just got home from school 2 hours ago and i am still in my jeans.
I don't want to remove my make up, its the most insecure thing i can ever do.
I wish i didn't have acne. I would rather be morbidly obese.
There is a very distracting crimson pimple on my chest.
School was okay today. I wish i didnt woke up late today because I could have sat beside my eyecandy in math lecture.
I missed math lecture today and the lecturer went through a new chapter. Everyone said it was difficult, fuck.
Human space planning is a complete waste of time. I do not understand anything. Spent the 2 hours reading fifty shades.
I wish i am as hardworking as some of my classmates. Most of them obtained a GPA of 3.5 and above.
I still wish I got into Mass communications.
I do not feel like working. but i need the money.
Speaking of work, I miss lydia. but i doubt she misses me. Feeling a little upset because she cant work with me this sat. I miss jeremy as well. but he probably misses rachel more. I miss kat. but she probably has got too much cakes to build to miss anyone. I like delia. she is such a sweet girl, so helpful. I hope her heart condition improves. I like stella. She is always so happy, she seems so oblivious to everything. I miss yuhong. I dont know why. I probably miss seeing her attractive face.     She in kick boxing now. so envious. I miss Michelle, jocelyn and kevin. I miss all the senior staffs. I wish i had the motivation like izzati to work out often.
I turn 18 in 19 days time. I do not know how to feel about it. I feel nothing.

 I am drinking Monster energy drink right now because i am tired but i have assignments to finish. I do not like it. it tastes like redbull. I hate redbull.
I want to write a song and its probably going to be a sad song because i am a sad person.
I want to act in a production. but i would probably look hideous in every angle. I miss acting.
Mom refused to take a picture with me because i had no make up on. It sent me to a deeper depth of self pity.
I love my classmates. I am getting along better with them. I am glad we are going to be in the same class for 3 years.
The girls in my poly clique are so pretty. I feel... inferior, sometimes.
I like nabeel. he is a cool guy. I like loktin too, he is so adorable. too adorable.
I am lazy to study. I want to sleep.
I want to exercise. I want to play captain's ball. I miss PE.
I wish my english is good.
I wish i actually look as good as i do in my narcissistic shots.

 This is me with a chocolate face mask from lush all over my face to calm my breakouts. This is a good mask.
I should probably end here and start on my assignments but i get the feeling that i am going to procrastinate.
Fuck you Ju, fuck you.

The thought of people moving on so quickly bemuses me. I mean, how do they do that? What is their secret? I've watched people go in and out of relationships and when they're in one, they go all 'you showed me what love was.'  'I would catch a grenade for yaaa' 'Your finger fits perfectly into the spaces between mine'' this whole apeshit mushy. It's like they're inseparable like north and South Pole magnet bars. The unbreakable  force of attraction. I mean, yeah, for sure it's cute. That you found someone whom you really like and likewise likes you back. Good for you guys. Yay. No, really. But when the relationship reaches its cusp.  You guys go your own separate ways which is normal but what i find peculiar is how you jump into another relationship almost instantaneously. I mean, I thought you guys really liked each other? And so how is it that after a probably heart wrenching breakup that, you have so rapidly found another someone you love? How is it that people move on in a flash? Is it that easy to leave whatever behind and commence on a new chapter? An epiphany struck me thinking, maybe couples nowadays don't really love each other. They are together for the sake of being together, they are afraid of loneliness,they don't want to do things alone, they want to have someone to talk to, to eat with, to sleep with, to hold hands with, to lean on, skinship, to kiss and the list goes on. Or that they're just making use of the other party as a rebound for someone whom they can't erase off their memory.  Or maybe its just me becuase i am not the type of person who moves on fast. Not even moderately. Sometimes I don't even move on, because moving on requires change and i dont like change and i dont want to change. I like everything the way it is but life is depressingly mutable... Sometimes I wish I could move on fast, you know. So I wont be so sad and depressed and vulnerable and weak most of the time. You don't have to agree to whatever i typed because this is my own personal opinion.

 ah boon ahhhhhhhhh

 kawaiii

 woould you loook at those armsssssss

 hahahaa china man

 layyyyyyyyyyyy

 scary indian looking kat is scary

 with steve aoki

 oh my rachel

BR Halloween chalet. Gotta love these people<3 p="p">