Translate

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. And if I try, will i?
I've been listening to "Wake me up when september ends" for the longest time but I've never actually took notice of the lyrics. Listened to it again recently and the lyrics struck me hard, like a knife in the knee.   "Like my father's come to pass, seven years have gone so fast." 

I never actually realised how long it has been but thinking about it fuck, its been 7 fucking years already. I turn 20 next year and that means I've spent my whole teenage life without you, dad. The girls you left were women you never raised. 7 years will soon turn into a decade in a blink of an eye. Honestly, not having you around was torturous. How do you forget someone who gave you so much to remember? You've taught me so much. Underneath that vulgar countenance and that god awful crude mouth of his, he is a wise loving man. The only man who has ever showered me with endless love and words that make you feel like you're not alone. The only man whom I have never loved so much. Now no longer in my life, I was bemused and struggled to stand on my own two feet. Fighting to eradicate the ever so comforting words so audible in my mind. When I was washed with clarity as to why you left. You became a man that I hate to love.




Hello there,
                  the angel from my nightmare. The shadow in the background of the morgue~
Sorry bout the random Blink182 lyrics. Hehe

Well, I'm back to this neglected space again after what seemed like eternity. This space was and still is the place where I unleash the emotional turmoils trashing my lungs, fucking up my respitatory system, making life so hard to breath.  Where I feel most expressive of my feelings as I translate them into words. 

So much has transpired since the last time I've blogged, most of them being despondent ones unfortunately. I never knew how to deal with my problems other than bottling them up. I still find it hard to trust people. I am still unable to open up without struggling to fight the inarticulateness choking up in my throat. I am still that awkward fool whenever I meet new people.  I hate myself sometimes. Speaking of being awkward, I got introduced to 2 of my classmates's friends recently. One of them having similiar music taste, she thought we would click.  Feeling the need to widen my social circle, I agreed to join them for dinner. I ended up listening to their conversation the whole time. I was genuinely listening but I guess everyone present thought of it as an excuse to pass off  me being awkward.
I hate myself sometimes.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

There are somethings that i really am unable to comprehend even if i were to place myself in your position. I guess only through experience is the only way to understand all these intricacies.


Fucking girls and their unnecessary drama, tsk.