you know, sometimes i just really really hate my life. no wait, let me rephrase. i really really abhor my life. this is not some typical teenage rambling of how their life sucks over some boy or over their  parents not giving them enough freedom. its nothing of that sort. i don't know what i've done to deserve all this. all i ever wanted  was to have a happy family with parents who will shower love on me and coming home knowing that i'm being loved and safe. but unfortunately, i'm not a lucky kid. i dont have a place i can call home, not even my own. i dont have have a happy family. i dont have parents who can shower me with love. ever since P5, i've always been envious of those other kids who have both their parents sending them to school and picking them up as well. its better than having to walk home alone realising that there's no one at home whom you can talk/confide/rant to about my day in school. yeah, you might say that this is gonna make me an independent individual but for a 11 year old, fuck independence i want my parents. during p6, something happened that sent me to a deeper depth of grief. and that was when i knew everything will never ever be the same, indeed i was right...  the only kin i had left is mom and sis. sometimes im just so sick of crying over these series of unfortunate events that befall on me. so fucking sick of everything i just wanna escape into the cracks of reality and never return. as strong as i seem to portray to other, my fortitude wavers once in a while.


i don't have a habit of telling people so much about myself, its a genetic trait actually. i'm more of a listener.  so, if you think you know everything about me you're wrong. what you know is just the superficial facade i put on. i really wanna thank mr ryan and kaixin jie for making me feel a lot better after pouring my heart out. for once i actually feel that someone actually cares. thank you.