Once in a while, the thought of commiting suicide hits me but I never was actually brave enough to muster enough courage to excute it. Then i go on tumblr and i see some of my favourite bands, they're always emphasizing on "self love", "staying positive and strong" and for that moment I feel a little better about myself.

Kellin Quinn once said "Your arms are meant for bracelets, not cutting or scars." Somewhere along that line and i've been living by it. I never believed in self harm. But recently I've been hovered by this abyss of frustrating emotions that i cant control. I... took the blade to my skin. Despite being stricken by the kerf, i didnt stop till the first drop of crimson oozed out. It hurts so bad. I never thought I would subcummb to self harm. I wanted to feel how it felt and how it looked like for my emotions to be reflected on my body. Sure wasn't pretty and the pain, definitely not addictive. I put on my noise cancelling headphones and started listening to Basement's "Pine".



"Want me, I need you to want me. I hate myself, but that's okay. Because I never have enough. I don't love you, I just need to be loved."

Oh Basement, why did you guys had to break up? I hope whoever reads this doesn't try to hurt yourself like what I did. I'm fucked up.