Everyone has a good and bad side, glorious moments and a dark past, secrets and clandestine thoughts. Nobody is perfect. Learn to love who they truly are. Their flaws. I try to see the good in people for I believe that no one is born like the super villains you see on cartoons and movies. Dereived of love and happiness and with so much hate in them. All they ever care is world domination, human subjugation and this insatiable need of power.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of image do i actually portray to people. Or, what's their first impression of me. I'm curious, really. To some people, i'm a total bitch and a meanie. I don't deny that. I am pretty harsh with my words sometimes. I'm always gossiping and inwardly making fun of people. C'mon let's face it, everyone has their inward bitchy self. BUT, i can be genuinely nice. Really, i can~ but sometimes, i just find myself being too mean to some people but at the same time its impossible to be genuinely nice to everyone. Everyone's putting on a facade. You can never know when you're being hated. I think people are generally okay with me? or at least thats what i think.

Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Julsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Life is depressingly mutable. Everything changes. Leaves fall, birds poop, dogs bark, cats meow, people come and go. Even as i am typing this, the present is turning into the past almost simultaneously. $

KAT VON D I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A FAN OF YOURS YOU ARE SO HOT AND I REALLY WANT TO GET EVERYTHING ON YOUR MAKEUP LINE. SINGAPORE SEPHORA, Y U NO KVD'S MAKE UP PRODUCTS!?!?!?!?!  );

Some people cannot be taken with you. They walk beside you, and then can go no further - then they are no more than scenery, and you must leave them there, in the past behind you.

"Metal and Harcore isn't everyone's top choice in music. I think one thing that many people don't understand about punk and hardcore and metal is that it is more than the sole solely musical parts. People don't always get why the vocalists scream or how the pit can be classified as "dancing," but in the end of all of it, people show up because it feels real. Metal/hardcore is about the community: it's about people "getting" you."

Ohhhh payday, you are gonna be so well spent.

有时候我们会在生活中很难免遇到一些我们不该遇到的人。 遇见了之后，想把他们忘掉就会变成一件很困难的事。。。

Ignorance is bliss. I'll pretend to not know anything.

Never assume, expect or demand. Know your limits, where you stand, your role. Do not be affected, jealous or paranoid. Its the only way to keep my heart alive.

Overwhelmed by shock. For a moment, it felt like as though both my respiratory system was impaired. I found it so hard to believe, almost impossible. Who'd knew? I have this ability of finding things out and what I accidentally found out just killed the fuck out of me pretty badly. I felt a fragment of my heart shattering. This was something I had least expected... Sorry, make that " something I would have never thought would happen". Then again, she's an attractive full fledged lady. Pretty, funny and lovable. While I'm just a repulsive teenage loser who can't pull off both natural and cosmetic beauty, has an incurable diurnal addiction of stalking people online and edits her own photo with a few apps before uploading it to Instagram. (Loser level: Julia) good to know you're not lonely anymore. I just don't wish to know about your progress with her... I'll get over you, eventually.

damn sian of my life...

My skin hates me... so envious of how some people win the hereditary lottery when it comes to good skin, just as others are blessed with the kind of metabolism that lets them eat vast amounts of pizza, chocolate, and ice cream without gaining an ounce. I am steadily gaining weight... which is not a good sign. Gaining weight is never anything near positive to me. My folks are always "像你这个年龄的女孩子胖一点比较好看。“ which translate: "Girls your age look better with more weight on." LIES, ALL A PACK OF LIES I DARE SAY. Who the fuck wants their thighs to be capable of juggling Mississippi waves, or with fats bulging out from their waists like a patty in a hamburger or with the flapping fats on your arms capable of producing wind. HOW DOES THAT MAKE ME LOOK BETTER????????? I am back to, or have always been in to my self demoralizing state  where i hate myself for everything... This time round I will do something about it. To repudiate my acne and fats. There will not be a repetition where i was called numerous names and violently bullied by other kids because I was fatter and still am ugly... If all else fails even by the age of 20. Plastic surgery, please work your magic on me... 

You remind me so much of my father, not completely but in some ways you really do. The way you talk, how your laughter is audible even miles away, the way you socialise with people, the rate of speed you eat your food... Reminds me of daddy... I dont know how to feel about this. I'm bemused because I have a love hate relationship with my dad. Did i unknowingly started liking you because you contain the qualities that existed in my dad? But aren't those qualities women look for in a men when it comes to marriage? -.^ whatever the reason is, my dad is the main reason as to why im so afraid of men. He made me Androphobic and here I am liking this guy having a likeness in general behavior to my dad. The fuck is wrong with me...

Where do i even begin? I suppose by saying "Im sorry" is a good start  Well, I really messed up this time. I'm sure you're getting used to that by now. I've known you for 5/6 years now  . Looking back, I realised how much of an asshole friend i was to you and i cant believed that i actually said those stupid and immature things. but i suppose hindsight is always 20/20.  It was stupid and I wasn’t the friend that you expected me to be. Even if I explain my actions, it still doesn’t justify that I did say some pretty hurtful things.  It was wrong, stupid and immature of me and you did not deserve any of the grief and anger I have caused you.  You did not deserve it, and you certainly did not deserve it from someone who calls you their friend for 6 years.   But I want to make amends. I truly do. You’re too important of a person to lose and I hate myself for realizing that now rather than earlier. I love you drey, i really do. Happy 18th birthday.

now a trip down memory lane, 


Sec 3 camp

Cant remember when was this taken but you did say benjamin leo was cute hahaha

a very random trip down to the playground that was demolished a year after and when i was into scary lenses.... what was i thinking...

midnight movie with hanjie jordan and richard, ikr they're like the last people we would hang out with alone

one minute before chinese paper 2

the day when we decided to learn how to ride a bicycle at bishan park. I still remembered you paid for my expenses that day as my birthday present. You were the first to learn how to ride the bicycle but you fell off when riding over a bump hahahaha

 a very common unglam shot from one of our swimming sessions...

when we were all working at propnex... i miss those days

not forgetting to end this post with a photo of us staying over at our best friend's house :)

Exams in 4 days time, i cant wait to get this shit over and done with. Im anticipating the 2 months holidays commencing after. There's just so much on my mind right now( what's new).  I feel like this space is where i really divulge all my thoughts, the only thing that would listen to me. Pathetic... but still, thank you blogger for accompanying me through the past 4 years 'listening' to my rants and my messed up pre-pubescent years. Cheers.  I'll be back with more posts.

www.agapeattire.com

I have this proclivity where I keep things to myself because I feel the more I divulge, the more vulnerable I become and being weak is the last impression I ever wanna portray to anyone. So I just bottle up these emotions and one day it'll disfigure me so badly that I can't even recognise myself. But at the same time, I have no one to talk to. I really don't. Or maybe I just choose not to tell anyone. I don't know. Ever since I turned 12, everything in my life took a 360 degree change and everyone around me kept telling me to "grow up, grow up and grow up". No one actually bothered to ask me if i was okay, how i was feeling or even cared if I was hurt from the incisions my father left. All I was told to do was, grow up. Forced to grow up at the age of 12, my life was unlike any other tweens, I cried most of my nights to sleep waking up with really puffed up eyes. At one point, i reached a phase where I got suicidal  because i didnt see any point in living anymore in this mangled life im living in. Everyone labelled me as a delinquent because im always out late just cause i didnt liked being at home. Up till now i still dont. Sometimes, I just wanna lead a normal life. Me being tired is an understatement... I just want to feel loved...

So many questions in my head but I don't wanna ask questions to answers i don't wanna know. What if I can't handle the truth. What if I can't deal with the fact that I really am slowly fading into blurs of sepia. Into the plunge of your mind concealed with this newfound "favourite" of yours. I never saw myself as your favourite. I never felt qualified or pretty enough to be. But, she is pretty and definitely good enough to be your favourite. I'm back to square one of being someone whom you won't even bother to remember my name. I don't know why I'm taking this shit so seriously. I guess I'm too attached. I dont know if this post is even legible. My english is fuckibg mangled and also im typing this while enduring an excruciating ovary crushing pain of menstrual cramp. Fuck this shit, why do I even bother to give a fuck. 氣死人

lovely classmates.

Let me commence this post by wishing Ben a happy 18th birthday! Best wishes :) Celebrated Ben's birthday at Seoul Garden which was also Ming's virgin visit. Apparently she has never bbq before so she was absolutely clueless on how the food should be cooked. Such a cutie. Afterwards we headed over to town to chill. The rest decided to play L4D at cineleisure while Farah and I decided to head over to M&S's food hall for some snack shopping hehehe. I couldn't help but felt really inferior walking next to her the whole time because she has gotten a lot of heads turning and eyes fixed on her because Farah is really very attractively pretty. Walking next to her, I've probably gotten quite a number of "the ugly friend" stamped on me from any passerby.   On an irrelevant note, I am so relieved that this whole graded wrtorial presentation is over! I could feel the nervousness and anxiety alleviated from me. It's like an oasis of calmness. I never really liked presenting presentations mainly because nobody ever bothers to listen to the speaker or the slides. So yeah. Follow me on instagram: Juliaylt.

不知道為什麼，很突然我覺得好無奈，好煩，好寂寞。不是因為我沒伴的關係。唉呀，我連自己情緒變化的原因都不知道。 我做人做的好失敗。我真的很討厭我這張充滿瑕疵的臉。死人青春期，一兩痘痘就好了可是為什麼偏偏是我得到滿臉的豆豆。我真的很羨慕其他女孩子完美無瑕的臉孔。熟語說「自戀總比自卑好」可是我這張那麼丑的臉，看了就自卑哪來的自戀。就算化了妝，還是一樣丑。 去死算了。

I love fridays. I mean, who doesnt? School ended at 12pm instead of the usual 1pm, so zoom! Off i head to RP to meet the fatties and for Ignite! I went to find Lydia in her class and i swear her class was so cozy and comfortable, such a conducive environment to study in. Or in my case, to sleep in. My lovely sheena came down all the way from Clementi to meet us at RP! aww<3 I love how things haven't changed one bit between us. Linh's still as loquacious as before and she got prettier(jealous). My Sheeny is still shy when i confess my love to her. Mo's still as gargantuan as before especially with his new haircut he has a uncanny resemblance to Kang Ho Dong. Yao's still the same old man bitch with his bitchy acrimonious replies( i still love you) and of course not forgetting Brina, hyperactive taeyeon hxc fan. Wishing the rest was here.

Mom's birthday is coming up and I'm absolutely clueless on what to get for her. Hmmm