I never read the letters you sent me. Not that i've forgotten to but I don't want to. I don't want to know what you want to tell me, I don't want  to know how are you doing, I don't want to know how sorry you are. I don't want to know how much you miss me, sis or mom. I don't want to know anything about you. I don't know why did I decide to read your letters. I probably just wanna drown myself in misery. With each hand written letter I read, the deeper depth of misery I was drowning myself into. "How are you?" Really? Seriousfuckingly, after so long? "I'm sorry. I really regretted what I did" Why apologise? Anything anyone has regretted doing was what they wanted to do. "I hope you can forgive me." I don't know if i'm capable of doing so, you really hurt me. I'm still living with the scars of what you did. I feel sad every fucking time I think about you. I've spent sleepless nights crying because of you. You ruined my whole fucking childhood. I'm fucking scared of men now. I loved you, I truly genuinely did. why pa, why? I'm still blaming myself for every fucking thing. I hate myself as a kid, all i thought about was my fucking self. All i cared about was what to fucking eat and play. Useless fat fuck. Why am I so fucking useless, so fucking incompetent, self centered, annoying and not loveable. why. why. why fucking why. I am so pathetic. I hate myself. Sorry, ma. I'm sorry... 

Wasn't able to concentrate at work today. The content of dad's letter was too mind occupying. Screwed things up. Disappointed some people. I don't like using the excuse of being tired. Everyone is tired and they're still doing their work. What  makes me the only exception?   Had to fake a smile. sigh... I'm sorry Andrew. I'm sorry Ryoma. Please don't think of me as incompetent. I still try my best to do things at work. Still doing things the way I've seen you done. I just feeel vulnerable today. 

'Everyone is getting attached." Yeah, everyone's getting attached... Thanks for reminding me.

It all started out with me complaining to Jane about how mundane my school holidays were revolving around only work and more work and that i really wanted a short getaway to maybe Bangkok, Bali or maybe even Boracay before school commences. You know, just anywhere away from reality to eat and shop till my legs go jelly. But knowing the financial inadequacy and strict parental control most of my friends have I didn't thought this trip would be possible. So I just randomly suggested why not we head to KL with Audrey and Cass whose parents are more lenient and surprisingly they complied! Booked the tickets the next day and off we went! hehehe

What i love about Msia is that they sell cosmetic contacts almost everywhere and its dirt cheap for a pair! What i love more is, the more you buy the cheaper it gets. Unlike singapore there's a ban on selling of cosmetic lenses online. I was so enraged but luckily i'm still able to purchase it from our neighbor country!

Coconut shake, I love anything coconut ^^

 Shopping~

Cass was too engrossed with her Shilin chicken she didnt wanna look into the camera-.-

 dilapidated beauty of decayed buildings.

 Had to take the LRT because non of the fucking taxi drivers wanted to pick us up because the traffic was jammed. These coins they're using is their standard ticket!

notice how their LRT station has no barricade, so dangerousssssssssssssss

 yeah the LRT was that crammed

 Finally in our hotel!

 comfy bed is comfy~~~~~

 Cass was so pissed with the Shilin chicken she was eating as it wasnt boneless hahaha

fuck you rich fancy people

 I love taro and its so hard to find any taro desserts in singapore but they have it here everywhere in KL and omg it tastes so gooOooOOOooo000ooood!!!!!!!!!!!! That feeling when you sink your teeth into the first morsel of chewy taro and then you start chewing and chewing and your saliva starts emulsifying the taro and it slowly enters the esophagus. that feeling.... i know im not making any sense thats cause im reliving the moment as im typing this hahaha

 xiao long bao here in kl is only 5.50sgd!!!!! like whuttttttttttttt, say whuttttttttttttttttt

This was me waking up from a really relaxing  massage ^_________^

 Annoying turkish ice cream is annoying.

A very charming and polite street hawker who spoke surprisingly good english. He came up asking me "Hi miss, what would you like?" and when i asked him how much was my food in total, he politely replied "Just a moment, miss." how cute is that hahaha his boss caught me staring at him and he gave me a smirk just like one of the  whatsapp emoticons haha embarassinggggggggggggggg

supper at 2am, good lord

 day 1!

What if i decide to execute these inexplicable malicious thoughts i've been having in my mind. What if...

Idiot, i am such a fucking idiot. I can't wait for school to commence where i will once again be drowned by the never ending piling assignments. The obtuse part of my mind will stop thinking about the despondent events that transpired. My sanity will regain its equilibrium.