I think I end most of my posts adruptedly that's because I have a writer's block... Stupid dip shit brain of mine...

I've always wanted to grow up quickly so people would take me seriously. Nobody ever takes a kid seriously. The adults, they'll always be like "You don't know what you're talking about, you're just a kid. You're too young to know anything."  Even up till now being 19 i still get that. I'm not trying to prove that I'm real mature and ready for the world that kida shit.
Truth  is, no one is ever to young to know about anything. We're just too young to care. No kid wants to spend their childhood worrying about ther academics. Their future. The monthly utility bills. Homework. Health. No fuck that shit.
Kids. They witness everything but they're too young at that point to comprehend the situation.  Parents think it's okay to curse, swear, quarrel and fight infront of the kids thinking they won't be able to recall anything. It's actually etched in their mind and as they grow older, answers will start surfacing to the questions they asked themselves as a kid. They might even blame themselves...

The first day of school commenced with a 8am lesson... Dreadful... But I had somehow managed to forcefully wake myself up at 6am. I deserve a pint of ice cream!! I couldn't adapt to the sudden switchback to waking up in early hours so I was pretty much stoned throughout every lecture and tutorial. Thankfully it was only the first day of school, the teachers didnt go through much. Its great seeing my classmates again ^^
ooo, happy first day of school jane! So glad you're here in TP *hiak hiak* finally someone from fatfat i can meet up/ hang out with after school!

So, the world is a happier place when you're not alone. A misanthropist you are, when you find no one else there for you.
Have you considered that the ones whom you've known for the longest time are actually the ones pushing you forward? Not to your limit,but to what you can do so much more than you actually can. They are the ones who push you forward because they know your story. They're capable of reading you like a book. They know how you feel and how you're gonna react. They can't change who you are, but they accept you for that. Please believe in yourself that things DO get better... Do you really want to stay this way for the rest of your life? You feel impaired... take your broken wings and learn to fly, to soar. Be strong. Self love is important.

And then i found out how hard it is to really change, even hell can get comfy once you've settled in.
 I just wanted the numb inside me to leave. no matter how fucked you get,
 the sun will return and you come back down! 
The funny thing is all i ever wanted i already had..
 there's glimpses of heaven in every day!
 in the friends that i have, the music i made, the love that i feel, i just had to start again.. 

The days are a death wish
A witch hunt for an exit
I am powerless...

The fragile, the broken
Sit in circles and stay unspoken
We are powerless...
Because we all walk alone on an empty staircase
Idle in the halls and nameless faces
I am powerless...

Everybody wants to go to Heaven
But nobody wants to die
I can fear death no longer
I've died a thousand times

A wasteful universe 
And we don't know our soul was
Emptiness inside our heads
But no one dares to dwell...

Throw me to the flames
Watch me burn!
Set my world ablaze
Watch me burn!

How are we on a scale of one to ten?
You can tell me, what do you say?
Do you wanna talk about it?
How does that make you feel?

Have you ever took a blade to your wrists
Have you've been skipping meals
We're gonna try something new today
How does that make you feel?

Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
In this hospital for souls

Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
In this hospital for souls

Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me
In this hospital for souls

Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me burn...
Hold me close, tell me "go"
Watch me burn...
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me burn...
In this hospital for souls

Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me burn...
Hold me close, tell me "go"
Watch me burn...
Hold me close, don't let go
Watch me burn...
In this hospital for souls

Atomic Fest, Sound Wave, Spring Fever Tour, Vans Warped Tour..... gahhhhhhhhhhhh Singapore Y U NO BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD A TOUR HERE :{

Is it weird that I got a nose piercing and actually wanna leave my hair long because vic has both? He is too adorable ><!

Food trips with a bunch of good friends can never go wrong. The day we ate only ice cream for the whole day, hehe.

"Learn to control your temper. All he did was just asking you to shut up and he just pushed(physically) you away."

Like an evolving hulk, the wrath that erupts from within every single time i am reminded of that incident. Furious at what you said. Disappointment at its peak. "He's just a small boy plus he's unwell, forgive and forget." 
So what if he's younger? Does his ignorance gives him the rights to ask me to shut up for correcting him?
So what if he's physically unwell? Does that give him the rights to physically push me away? Boy, he's sure strong for a sick child.
Do i also get to go home early if i were to cry because i am hungry?
Am i also able to get special treatment if i hyperventilate every single time someone tries to correct me so that i am get away with shit. 
I know you're probably gonna think this is very un-mature of me, speaking of your favourite sick child this way. You're probably shaking your head in dismay while reading this.
Whatever la, I shouldn't be bothered about how you think when you didn't thought of mine when you said those words. 

Car horns are heard, breaking the silence of the misty morning hours. I've been awake since 5.46am. I'm alone in my room but i hear snatches of conversation float through the air. The things I could never comprehend as a child now all makes so much sense. Like a sudden epiphany.  I try to not blame myself but really, the memories that played in my mind proves too much of me being guilty. I am to be blamed. Being a kid back then doesn't change the verdict.

feeling a little unappreciated these few days but i guess this is how things work. I'm not angry or taking it personal, I just wish you had a better sense of planning

像个傀儡被线牵着走，完全没有说话的余地。拥有自己的主见却被别人住址，被别人控制，被别人牵着走。想要解脱可是没了牵着你的线，你就是一个残废。即将被遗弃的一个木傀儡。
我觉得我很像一个傀儡，只能跟着指示走。没说话的余地。很无奈。厌倦。 反感。  不知到合时我能鼓起勇气说我想走我自己的方向。

Been living the repetitive cycle of waking up and going to sleep angry ever since I moved in 5 years ago. Maybe I should start attending yoga lessons that teaches you on how to have some inner peace cause clearly im lacking in that department. fuck, times like this i feel like i have no one to confide to but then again i won't divulge anything. fuck me. everyone knows me as "the angry uncommunicative teenager" well fuck you fuck everything fuck life

"I know that you know that, I know that you know."

"I don't wanna take your precious time 'Cause you're such a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty face. But you turned into a pretty big waste of my time."

I've always found the female species to be very intricate. A living oxymoron comprised of a tsunami of emotions. Entails great laboriousness to comprehend.  
There is one thing that I can conclude from my 19 years of observation about the female species: most of us are two faced bitches. Underneath that smiley facade is a prison of vicious spiteful thoughts kept clandestine to only the person you dont like but so exposed to everyone. Fucking emmy award winning bitches. 

Where do you think all this anger will bring you. What conclusion would you come to?  Take some time out and look around, observe. Your lack of visual perception is causing you to channel a lot of unnecessary hate towards me. I've done nothing, well at least not anything to feel guilty towards you or anything against my conscience. Let us all be mature grown ups shall we.

Leaving for the Philippines in a few hours time and i'm still not done with packing.... Not to mention that I've yet to print out my air ticket and covert my sgd to pesos. I am such a lazy fat fuck. Sometimes I feel like my younger sis is more responsible than I am... sigh hahaha
 

Sometimes I feel like i'm the only one trying, feeling exhausted is an understatement.

Have you ever been hurt by someone whom you loved so wholeheartedly that the inarticulate pain has etched scars almost impossible to eradicate? The excruciating pain affecting you adversely in every single way... And to make things worse, he leaves you. It may sounds as if i'm exaggerating, or maybe I am. I don't know... but aish whatever. Back on track; What if that person comes back and seeks for forgiveness? Are you able to be that magnanimous, to be able to put aside the pain he's caused you to felt, to say "Yes, I forgive you." Are you able to do that... I've been wondering about this... I really don't know how to feel about this. Fuck

很痛。真的很痛。。。

"The consequences if I leave I'm alone but what's the difference when you beg for love?"


"How am I suppose to be everything they expect me to be when I feel so alone?"


"We all have our horrors and our demons to fight. But how can I win, when I'm paralyzed?They crawl up on my bed, wrap their fingers round my throat. Is this what I get for the choices that I made?"

"And I heard you said one time, that i never fucking crossed your mind. I guess i'll act like that's fine, but you should know that you cross mine all the time."



"you must understand that fear is not some product that I made.It crept unwelcome in my head the day they had her torn away. It changed me."

Tomorrow marks the commencement of my main exams and I really shouldn't be here blogging but since I've just finished my lunch and I refuse to do anything else only after I feel that my food has been digested. Hehe

I've been pondering about a few things. My future especially. I really don't know what I wanna be. I did wanted to be a writer but then I feel like  I'm not cut out for it. I am interested in a plethora of occupations it seems almost impossible for me to just stick to one and move towards it. The future scares me. The thought of it sends a surge of tremor in me. I don't want to become a bum.

Daddy, can you be here right now. I really miss you... so much it hurts.

Just another insignificant someone. Just another tainted soul. Just another someone nobody pays attention to. Just another loner who knows everyone. Just another uncommunicative teenager. Just another someone who tries to blend in, but fails most of the time. I don't know why I let myself become like this. Always putting myself down.
I am unworthy of anyone's time, attention and affection.
It's okay Ju, it's okay.

 "Raise your hands if music has ever saved your life or helped you through tough times." 
 -Vic Fuentes


















Inexplicably euphoric. Free entrance to one of your favorite band's gig is probably one of the best feeling everrrrrrrrrr. The crowd was a meh, but I was visually and aurally raped hehe

Couldn't help but teared while singing along to "Hold on till may" despite the fact that I was horribly  off pitch. He dedicated that song to his older brother who fought with cancer for 6 years and finally defeated it.
 "Raise your hands if music has ever saved your life or helped you through tough times." ahh,
there, vic said it. His signature line at every gig.
Was so close to Tony the whole time. How is it possible that this shy man of a few words can be sooooo sexily attractive while on stage. *fangirls*
Jamie was so hyped up the whole time, I love him I really do even though I find him a litttle arrogant sometimes. Arrogantly attractive.
Mikeeeeeeeeee, the unsung drummer but lusted by so many ladiesssss your ink is sickkkkkkkkkkk.
and of course, Vic. You blew us all away. I don't care if you're 30, I still want the D.
All of this wouldnt have happened if it wasnt for Jaymee. Thank you Jaymee for giving me one of the tickets you won! Very appreciative and thankful :)
Getting to see Pierce The Veil live was so surreal. I can never listen to their songs without thinking of last night. Another band to strike off my list.

"If I were you, I'd put that away. See, you're just wasted in thinking about the past again. Darling, you'll be okay." 

and she said 

"If you were me, you'd do the same. Cause I can't take anymore. I'll draw the shades and close the door. Everything's not alright, and i would rather...."