Even in my sleep, I felt so awake. I'm wearing a suitcase, under each one of my eyes already.

Every time I exhale those vulgar curls of white smoke, I secretly hope for my respiratory system to fail.
Every time I intoxicate myself,  I hope to remain muddled and inebriated for as long as I can.

I came home quite tipsy but still sober, partially. I lay on my bed. My room was unnaturally silent. I took deep breathes of the cold December air, and there I felt it. An ache blossomed from my heart like how blood would spread all over a white t-shirt. I heard whispers from the ghost of my past and my inferiority complex reminding me of the things that I don't wish to be reminded of. Those despondent thoughts, they've clung on to me like a swirl of ghosts. I was paralyzed by the overwhelming plethora of emotions felt at once. My body did not hold the capacity to contain all these emotions. The last thing I remembered was waking up to a soaked pillow, I  cried myself to sleep...

 I'm still waiting for the day to come, where I can fully love and appreciate myself.

We were never jealous, but instead relieved that you moved on and have found a better group of friends whom you can be comfortable with. Our friendship without you still remains the equivalent, we're just as  happy. But be mindful of the things you say. We may no longer be friends but we don't wanna end up as foes. Let us remain as ex-school mates and hopefully not escalate the relationship to anything else. It was good knowing you. I wish you all the best in life, a boost in self esteem and hopefully learn to make the right choices in future. Remember, you've lost all of us while we lost one of you. Cheers.

These fears, they hold a tight grasp on to me like an anchor. Drowning me into the deepest depth of the ocean. My voice isn't breaking through, my cries for help is not audible to anyone. Who hears me anyways?