I never liked the feeling of liking someone. That feeling where you really miss him like fuck, wishing you can see him even just for that one moment but you can do no shit about it. That feeling where you just wish things would be like before. That feeling where you just wanna let him know how you feel for him but fearing that it would ruin everything. That lame euphoric feeling you get when he texts you first. I don't know how i let these things happen to me. I told myself a gazillion times not to let anyone else influx my mind and heart 24/7 but to no avail. I failed. I liked you, and with each passing day i'm liking you even more. I find you really attractive and i'm afraid I might be too attracted to you. Your maturity enthralls me. I love how you divulge your thoughts and past to me. That tremor in your voice when you talk about the despondent events that happened. Makes me just wanna hug you so badly. You're just so different from the other guys whom i've had a crush on. I hope my crush for you is not too blatant cause that would just fucking ruin everything. Ahhh i fucking hate feeling this way. I'm left with this mess in both my heart and mind. Urgh

Ika's grad show.

It's awkward, posting here again. It feels like meeting up with an old acquaintance only to realise how different everything has become, how complex. So, its March already. School's commencing in about a  month's time and i'm really taken aback by how time really flies at the speed of light. I'm still working at BR, I fucking love the people there. They're pretty much the only people i hang out with since i started working. My secondary school friends?  Total zero contact. Well, i guess i'm just too busy with work to have contact with anyone else other than my colleagues. Plus, I fucked up. Pathetically sad, but yeah. People, friends... I'm starting to think if i ever had any friend that I've been through thick and thin with. Apparently, no. Meh, doesn't matter. I never really liked depending on someone. Anyways, I hate how i become real tight and close with people and then distance just has to come interrupt our friendship and bam! back to square one of being strangers and conspicuous awkwardness sets in.  I guess that's life huh?