I woke up crying on a monday morning. Things are really not going one bit my way. Please lady luck... Please, just give me a shred of  luck. Just a shred... I'm desperate. 

I feel like no place right now is able to keep me sane. Work used to be a sanctuary for me from the hustles of despondent transpiration. Well, not anymore... Home, definitely a strike of my list. School, okay school's not too bad if I was actually in my desired course...

I want to get myself admitted into the psychiatric ward. Like the movie "Its kind of a funny story". Just 5 days, in the hospital. Away from home, school, work, every thing. That's when people start noticing you're not around, Thats when people start to care, that's when things start getting better... i guess. 

Deep inside I crave for affection in the most innocent child like way but then reality hits you, no one truly cares. No one will truly like me for who I am because i'm too fucked up. I keep telling myself that i'm alone. I'm worthless and useless. Nobody gives a shit about me, im the last on everyone's friend list. It doesnt make a difference if im there in a group gathering or not. I'm on my own. So i have to love myself but im just that fucked up i cant even bring myself to love me own.

I think of the people whose told me "We're here for you" "You got us". Its nice but then again they just said it to pacify my very depressing past. They just wanna make me feel better for that moment. Gosh, did you see what I just did there? I'm pushing people away whom might be genuinely concerned about me...

 I think i might be clinically depressed.