Life is depressingly mutable and so are humans. I'm still struggling with and adapting to the new environment despite being in poly for about a year now. I honestly hate this place. Maybe just my course. Its hard to choose between friendship and grades. Recently I've been questioning myself if I really did made the right choice enrolling into TP instead of RP where most of my secondary school friends are. They're doing well in school, and they meet up pretty oftenly. I'm still trying to open up more. I honestly don't fucking know why I am so shy right now? Can I use shy on myself? For a lack of better word, yes I can. I wasn't like this in the past. I was a social butterfly, I'm not shitting you. I guess I got a little too self concious over the years and my self esteem started diminishing drastically to the point where I feel that no one will genuinely want to be my friend. Which is why I don't try nowadays. When I get introduced to people, all I do is just smile awkwardly at them and continue being awkward... I wish I could stop pitying myself. Help.

"自恋总比自卑好"